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Welcome to theSeeking ChristBaptist Humor Page Are you joyful for Christ? |
Baptists aren’t sour-pusses, we be
jus’ dig-nif-ied!!! Contents: Baptist's That Make Us Laugh So Hard That We Want To Cry! Independent Baptists Don't Do That! Three Chairs for the Baptists! What I Prefer How to Find a Baptist Wife |
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"Dolphin with my tuna." |
"Biscuits
and gravy on the half-shell." "Things that are black and white instead of a checkerboard." "That the orchestra stand up and the conductor sit down." "Ladies that are." "That the Jews keep their land and the Arabs keep quiet." "That autobiographies should be written in cars." "Long term life insurance for the short term." |
Independent Baptists Don’t Do That!! We don’t go to the beach—we go to the coast! We don’t gossip—we share prayer requests! We don’t have parties—we have fellowships! We don’t go on vacations—we take missionary trips! We don’t wear britches—we wear long, tight culottes! We don’t get angry—we just share our feelings! We don’t lust—we just appreciate beauty! We don’t live beyond our means—we just enjoy God’s blessings! We don’t preach unprepared—we just let the Spirit fill our mouths! We don’t run up credit cards—we just don’t want to carry cash! We don’t neglect to witness—we just "live" the life! We don’t go to the movies—we just rent videos! We don’t argue—we just have long, heated discussions! We don’t get mad—we just have righteous indignation! We are not worldly—we are just contemporary! We are not foolish—we are just full of faith! We are not acting stupidly—we are just trusting God! We don’t rob God—we just don’t feel led to give! We don't solicit fellow church members—we just want them to be healthy, wealthy and wise like us! HAVE ONE TO SHARE? |
Three Chairs For the Baptists! Ken Orr, a minister of the Sovereign Grace Bible Presbyterian Church (email Ken), meets three Baptist evangelists on the golf course. He invites them to visit his services. Not too long thereafter, and just as the service is starting, they show up. Attendance was good at Sovereign Grace Bible Presbyterian, and there wasn’t a pew available. Several folks were already seated on folding chairs. When Ken saw the three Baptist evangelists enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back." The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?" "Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," Ken whispered louder. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face. Once more Ken tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Baptists," he enunciated. The usher’s face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation. "All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshippers, "Three cheers for the Baptists!" |
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Baptist's That Make Us Laugh So Hard That We Want To Cry! True Bethel Baptist Church of Buffalo, N.Y. added a Subway restaurant in a corner of their building some two years ago. Pastor Dennis Pridgen created a parking pattern to keep restaurant traffic from displacing churchgoers during services. "The church will always come first," said Pastor Pridgen, as he munched on a free Turkey Club with Cheese! (Herald-Tribune) |
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My preacher friend was pulled over by a policeman. "Please don't give me a ticket; I'm just a poor preacher," he said. "I know," said the policeman, "I heard you preach last night." |
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The Top 15 Scriptural Ways to Find a Baptist Wife 1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails and give her some new clothes. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) |
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